Already got asked if we're dating
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
