You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
