one might say we're banned from that church
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
