Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
