I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
