Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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