I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
