i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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