She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You peed on a flamingo?!?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
