Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
