we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
