i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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