Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
