im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
