It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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