i just had sex bonerless
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
