Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
