Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
