My sheets look like a crime scene.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
