I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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