be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
