i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
