Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
