once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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