The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
