my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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