I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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