Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
