Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think brook has ever known best
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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