I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
