By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
