At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
