i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
