All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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