I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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