i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
