You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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