Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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