Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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