I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
