You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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