its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
