If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
