friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
