No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The air was thick with penises
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
