Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
