My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
