we have officially lost it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
