A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
