this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
