who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
