the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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